Darlings, we hope that whenever and wherever you’re reading this that you’re safe and well. Please look after yourselves and just keep taking everything one day at a time.
Right now, we’re all just figuring things out. We’re working out how to live in this new world that we seem to have found ourselves in and we’re all on a huge learning curve. In the past few weeks, we’ve faced up to things we never imagined we’d even have to consider and we’re feeling our way, however tentatively, into this strange new normal.
But there are always going to be a couple of days that can’t possibly be normal. If you’ve had to postpone and re-arrange your wedding, at some point, you’re going to hit what would have been your wedding day.
So, if what would have been your wedding day is approaching, we send you all our love. To hopefully make the day a little smoother and to help you find the positives, we’ve spoken to two readers who’ve just been through this day themselves and we’ve included a few ideas that might just make the day a little brighter for you. Let’s start by hearing from our two amazing readers.
Helen’s story
Helen Stuart should have been taking her vows on 28th March 2020 after a Christmas proposal back in December 2018. With just two weeks to go, Helen collected her wedding dress on 14th March but just two days later, the news overtook Helen and Mike’s plans.
In her own words…
“Everything changed with Boris’ announcement on 16th March that the UK was going into lockdown. Needless to say, we both had a couple of strong drinks that night as we realised we had no choice but to postpone our wedding in just 12 day’s time. We spoke to our venue and suppliers, who all agreed to a postponement to the autumn with minimum cost, which we feel very fortunate about.”
“Life carried on in the new normal, but two days before our original wedding date, a real sadness kicked in. We planned to get a takeaway and enjoy it with a bottle of champagne to make what would have been but it all felt so empty. Friends and family had been a great support during the days between postponing and the wedding date with regular check-ins, chats and generous gifts to cheer us up. We woke on the Saturday morning to a flood of messages from our loved ones to say they were thinking of us.”
“We allowed ourselves the morning to feel sad and then went for a walk, before coming home to have that takeaway. Just before we joined a video call with the bridal party, I decided to ‘re-propose’ to Mike and got down on one knee with the pocket watch engraved with our original wedding date that I’d bought him as a gift. I wanted to make the date a happy one, not just sad. It was a silly gesture rather than a romantic one but it cheered us both up!”
“We then logged on for the call and were delighted to see lots of friends, who were meant to be at our wedding, on there for a special quiz. It really made my day and all the love we felt from our friends and family throughout the day made us feel truly grateful.”
If you’re about to hit your original wedding date, my advice is fairly simple and obvious – mark it in some way, do the best you can in the current circumstances.
“Allow yourself time to grieve for what should have been but also appreciate the love that you have in your lives, not just between yourself as a couple, but also from all those people you would have been celebrating with. It took a postponed wedding to help me realise that while it’s an important day in our lives, it’s also a big day in the lives of our guests because they love us and want to celebrate our happy times and support us in our low times too.”
“And, if all else fails, a couple of glasses of fizz help most things!”
Yvette’s story
Yvette Murrell should also have been celebrating her wedding day on 28th March 2020. She and Jakob were set to marry on their 7th anniversary with family and friends coming from all over the world to join in the celebrations.
“I went to pick up my dress on 13th March and it was such an exciting moment but, in the back of my mind, I was also worrying about my best friend (a bridesmaid) and sister not being able to travel from Australia. At that stage, our venue was still being very positive and practical and we had a call with our caterers to confirm the final details.”
“On that weekend, international travel bans were imposed and, by Boris Johnson’s first major announcement on the Monday which advised against ‘large gatherings’, we knew our wedding wasn’t going to happen.”
“Our venue called us straight away and offered us any date they had available next year. We opted for Sunday 28th March 2021 and sent an email out to everyone that we would be postponing on Wednesday 18th, ten days before what would have been our wedding.”
“We spent the next few days just trying to process everything and our days felt quite up and down. I cried a few times and we kept saying to each other ‘oh, right now we should be… picking up the flowers’ or ‘heading to the venue’.”
“The day before what was supposed to be the big day, we had a heart to heart. We both agreed we didn’t want the day to go by as any other as it was meant to be a special day. So, rather than continue to be sad, we could do something in our control and that was to make sure it was still a celebration.”
“We talked through our Order of the Day and adapted it into a schedule we shared with family and friends to join in virtually via the Houseparty app – this was really fun to do and put us both in a better mood! From ‘getting ready’ in our robes in the morning right through to a DJ set from my fiancé at night. We encouraged people to still dress up (many rocked a bow tie and pyjama combo!) to lighten the mood, not just for us but for everyone going through a tough time.
“We stuck loosely to the ‘order of the day’ and this made the day go by really quickly. It was great to virtually hang out and catch up with everyone – we ate, we drank, we danced around the living room and my 4-year old niece even read stories to us during the time we’d schedule for the speeches! In quieter periods, we spent quality time, just the two of us, reminiscing about our seven years so far together.”
“The day was definitely surreal (which day isn’t at the moment?) but having waves of different people checking in with us throughout the day kept our spirits up. We had so much support from family and friends and that’s been so uplifting. From people joining the Houseparty to simply sending a text, it made all the difference. We even had a surprise care package left on our doorstep with a cake and flowers!”
“If you’re about to hit what would have been your wedding day, I would say recognise it and celebrate in whatever way you can. Spend the day thinking about all the great reasons why you wanted to get married, and how amazing the day will be when it finally does come around. I promise you that once your original date has passed, a lot of the worry and sadness will subside and everything becomes easier to deal with.”
‘Covid-19 brides – our days will be worth the wait.”
Ideas for what would have been your wedding day
Let’s be honest, this probably isn’t a day that you’re going to be able to ignore. It’s just not realistic to expect that you’ll be able to slide through a day that you’ve been looking forward to for months. So, perhaps now is the time to do a little more planning for your day and decide what you’re going to do on what would have been your wedding day. You might want to pack the day or you might want to just do a couple of things to make the day feel a little special.
Whatever you do, be kind to yourself. This isn’t how you could have ever envisaged spending this day so just be gentle with yourself and be there for each. Wedding days, even these new ‘would have been wedding days’ are emotional so if you shed a few tears, that’s absolutely understandable. Most importantly, remember that although you’ve had to postpone your wedding day, your love story continues and although this chapter isn’t one you’d planning, you can still make it something to be proud of.
Breakfast in bed is a good way to start the day. Plan this in advance so that when you shop, you can stock up on a few treats. Fizz is definitely allowed!
Take some time to get ready for the day. If you’ve been working from home and have been living in your joggers, this is the day to wear something different, spritz the perfume and feel good.
Take your daily walk together – and talk about all the best bits of your relationship so far and look forward to your wedding day. Arrange a big call with friends and family – call it an alternative drinks reception if you like so feel free to bring snacks and a beverage or two.
Watch your favourite film or play a game together. Try to avoid having too much downtime – keep yourselves relatively busy and positive.
Have a romantic dinner together – order takeaway if you can, indulge yourselves by looking for your favourite nibbles when you’re out shopping so that you can put together a fabulous grazing platter or cook yourselves something delicious. If you want to make it extra fancy, get dressed as if you were going out out!
Ditch the chores for the day – Forget about hoovering, washing and taking out the bins – this is your day, this isn’t every other day at home.
Put together your alternative wedding day playlist for background music and don’t forget your first dance. And yes, you can certainly film it and share it with us!
Take some alternative wedding photos. You will look back on this day and it will have made you so much stronger so mark it for posterity.
And finally, eat lots of cake and enjoy the fact that you don’t have to share it with anyone!
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If your wedding date falls between now and the end of June 2020 and you haven’t yet postponed, please do call your venue to discuss options for moving your date to a safer time in the calendar. We are here to support you and you’ll find guidance through these articles, and in our closed Facebook group for brides.
Annabel
View all Annabel’s articles
Annabel is the founder of Love My Dress. She lives in rural North Yorkshire with her husband and business partner Philip, two daughters Eska and Leanora and three dogs. She is passionate about photography, supporting women in business and in life, and is in her element being surrounded by nature and the countryside.